It's been a while and there's good reason for it. I suck lol.
No seriously, life just threw me a ton of curve balls this last while and it's really taken all my time, energy and sanity away.
So here's the update.
I worked out on the 3rd for 20 minutes on the EA for a total of 154 calories. Had a TON of fruit. Last week I had this huge banana craving and ate 3 bunches of them in about 4 days. Just insane cravings. Thankfully that one's over except now I've got the chocolate cravings.. ack!
On the 4th I had my best day yet! I have no idea what got into me. I started off with 35 minutes on the elliptical for 300 calories. I actually felt pretty good after that so I did 30 minutes of step aerobics on the Wii Fit for 150 calories. Then after about a 10 minute rest I decided I felt good enough to get back on the elliptical and I did another 15 minutes for another 150 calories. Total for the day: 600 calories and 1 hour and 20 minutes. I even felt amazing after doing it. No pain, no exhaustion, I was really really impressed. It got those endorphins going!
Friday the 5th I didn't work out. I had some parental issues.
For those who don't know the past 15 months have been hell around here. Last November (2008) my father got diagnosed with kidney cancer and it spread to his hip in a massive football sized tumour, making him unable to walk. It was devastating. This strong man was suddenly weak as a child and I had to care for him. I did all the things around the house as well as cared for him like helped him get his socks on, slippers, move around, carry things for him, run more errands etc. Thankfully after 3 surgeries we got the news on Tuesday the 9th that he's been deemed cancer free. Thank God.
However, in March 2009 my mother was at work and suddenly yelled to her coworkers to call and ambulance because she couldn't breathe. She then quite literally fell over and died. She had a massive heart attack that caused her heart to stop. Her co-workers did CPR until the EMTs arrived. The EMTs had to shock her 5 times with the defibrillator to bring her back to life. The hospital worked on her for hours to stabilize her. They ended up putting her body into a hypothermic state to give her body a chance to slow down. They told us she had a 50/50 chance but they figured she wasn't going to pull through. Thankfully she did. However, not without lasting damage. Her short term memory has issues, she's lost 1/2 the function of her left ventricle and now we find out she's got kidney damage. She's tired all the time, has had to go on disability and needs a lot of help around the house.
I try to spend equal time helping both my parents but it is admittedly hard, especially with work and my own health issues.
Almost losing both your parents in a span of 4 months is brutal. I quite honestly don't know how anybody in my family pulled through it all.
So the point of rehashing the hell that has been my life over the past 15 months is that on Friday the 5th mom had a dr.'s appt. They told her that she had kidney failure and was going to need dialysis 3 times a week for 4-8 hours a day.
So coming home with that information I had no energy, desire or mindset to even think about working out. My mind was on mom.
However, Saturday I forced myself to use the elliptical for 35 minutes for 290 calories. I figured I had to get on it because hopefully it would raise my endorphin levels and make me happy. I was wrong, but it was worth a shot.
Sunday the 7 through Tuesday the 9th I was sick. I figure it was a case of laryngitis. I couldn't talk, my throat was killing me, I tired easily and I had a gland in my neck that was the size of a nectarine. No way was I going near that machine while I was ill. Wednesday the 10th I didn't work out either. Despite feeling better, I felt it was best not to push it.
Which brings me to today, February 11th. No workout today either. My mom's back in the hospital. I worked all day, came home at 3:30, called to talk to my mom at 4 only to find out she'd been in the hospital since 6am with incredible pain. I left shortly after talking to my step dad and only got home about an hour ago. So I was at the hospital for about 4 hours tonight.
It looks like mom might be alright, they seem to think she's got a kidney stone that's lodged in there. Tomorrow they're going to do an ultrasound to try to break the stone up. Hopefully that does the trick and she can come home tomorrow. She is in good spirits and looks good but is in a lot of pain. But, good news does come out of this to a degree. The doctors don't think she has kidney failure anymore. They think her elevated levels of creatine on her tests is from the stones. So hopefully that turns out to be true. They did say there could be some damage to the kidneys though, but really that's almost to be expected because she was oxygen deprived for a while with the heart attack.
Ok so summary:
Workout... almost non existant.
Excuses: Plenty
Good excuses: Plenty ( I think so lol)
Desire to get back at it: Lots
Tears at Wal-Mart when trying to buy new pants yesterday: Several. Cause nothing fit.
Hope for the future: Lots.
Dinner tomorrow: Pizza. Screw the diet, it's been a hell of a week.
I'm still determined, I think I'm failing rather miserably but I'm determined to get into shape and lose some of this weight. However, if given the choice between working out and caring for my parents working out will always lose. They've been there for me for the past 26 years; if they need some extra attention now I'm more than willing to give it to them with no questions asked.
